I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
