I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
