"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
