shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
