My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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