remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
