After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
