I can text with my tongue
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
