just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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