When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
