this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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