I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he fucked my hip out of place.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
