Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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