When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
