I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
