Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
