i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't think brook has ever known best
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Sext me about skeletons
The adults are the big ones right?
false alarm, still single
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
