Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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