I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
