names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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