i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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