this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
