I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
