oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
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From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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