I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
