Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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