I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
