I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
