His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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