So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize