i would punch a child for taco bell
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
