If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
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