If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
