Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
