Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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