You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
