I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
