Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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