hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize