I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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