Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
