My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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