i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
