you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
