genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
