Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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