He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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