I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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