you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
