Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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