Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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