im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
