u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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