All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
