I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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