Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
