If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
