Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Is it because I queefed?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
