mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
