The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
