I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
