Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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