I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
