You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
