The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
