I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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