plz talk dirty to me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
