All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
